I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
