I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
