so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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