I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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