If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
