Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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