The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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