I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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