i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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