Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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