I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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