My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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