Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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