I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
