Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
