2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My balls are so social today.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
