I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
