You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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