I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
