I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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