Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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