So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
