You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
