i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
