today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
