i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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