where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
