So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
