If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
