Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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