I just gift wrapped bread.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
