his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
