just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
