Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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