It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
