If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think i got beer on your cat.
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