She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
