a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
