And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
