if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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