My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
