Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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