That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
