i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
