i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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