dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
