Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
