So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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