I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
