OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
