he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
