I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
