I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
