You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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