Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just blew my weed a kiss
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
