So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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