you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
