he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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