Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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