She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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