I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Randomize
