my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hippo gnu deer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
