hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
