she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
