Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
