I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
