my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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