I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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