take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize