You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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