That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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