mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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