She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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