i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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