It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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