Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you never un-have a 4some
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
