I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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