I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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