I want to make a zoo with you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
